


to the moon

by yellowed_pages



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowed_pages/pseuds/yellowed_pages
Summary: For all the times I saw the universe in the depths of your eyes.---An addition to the collection of unsent letters and discarded poems Akaashi wrote for Tsukishima, and hopefully the last.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	to the moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This has been stuck on my drafts for how many weeks now haha. I am not really confident with this 'love letter' I wrote but I thought why not give it a chance.  
> This idea actually came from this [tweet](https://twitter.com/sienamon/status/1287628169395109889?s=20) but I can't old English soooo haha!  
> You can visit my [HelloPoetry](https://hellopoetry.com/fireflykeith/collections/?tab) collection to see some short poems I made for this.  
>   
> ps. cringey and cheesy lines ahead!

To the Moon,

I’ve been doing this for who knows how long but I am still wondering how do I write a letter of love or a poem of admiration if words not enough to describe you? I don’t know if everything I’ve written are giving you justice. You used to tell me how I always have my way with words, but that’s not quite right, Kei, for I still find myself just as lost before you.

So then, should I start with how I fell for you? But it would be a messy account for my words could not find their way to form themselves towards coherency. It’s always been like this, words getting lost, curling up and dying. I can’t even look at you without the feeling being beguiled by the soft sicilian warmth you emanate.

It's interesting how these days, everything I do and see keeps dragging me back to the first time we met again outside of the court. Everything’s been completely dull since I let my chance go when we were younger, but when I saw you again, utterly fascinated and engrossed in reading that dinosaur magazine, hair’s a blonde mess, soft pale skin, spectacles hanging at the bridge of your nose, and a ghost of an amused smirk, I know something’s changed. And as how flames draw moths in, I was astounded and mesmerized with how your golden-brown eyes were able to capture not just my heart but the whole of my soul again in just one fleeting gaze.

My thoughts are a mess, aren’t they? And I will continue to write this mess for this is the mess you brought that I willingly took.

Should I just proceed to why I love you? But then we might never finish for it will take forever and a day to gather my thoughts and another lifetime to explain it all. I can say that it was never about your blonde hair, or your tall figure, or your snarky attitude and arrogant aura. I can even fall for you with my eyes closed, but I would still prefer to admire you with my own eyes.

Your passion for volleyball awes me. You have insecurities and gives yourself too little credit, but when you take a step on the court to hone your skills and play, you become someone else. Someone full of pride, charisma and confidence. The things you do, the way you try to keep your smile small disarms me. I never knew how good love feels until I met you. You taught me to be observant that every single part of you I started to appreciate. I think your interests are fascinating. I know your favorite song, I even listen to it every day. I get so giddy with just listening to you talk about prehistoric things. Even when your smart mouth gets under my skin, I am still grateful that you are in my life.You taught me how to love unselfishly that it always would make me want to laugh with you when times are good, be prepared to cry with you when going gets tough, and how I am willing to lay everything down, to give all in, for us both.

There are days when I want to cage you, have you all for myself, take care of you, possess you. There are days where it just hurts. It pains that I love you more than I have ever loved myself but knows that I won’t have anything in return. The pain spreads like wildfire, consuming me and all that’s left are ashes.

Can’t it be me? Please just let it be me.

Please?

Can your smiles be just for me? Can the stories you tell be all about me?

In spite of all these, I would always remind myself that I shouldn’t be expecting anything from you because that’s not how my love for you supposed to work. Because who am I fooling? I am just a coward who can’t even make his feelings known—then and even now. I just wish that there are days when you would find it in you to need me, but every time we meet, reality kicks in, that I will never be that person in your life. Every day that I see you with Kuroo-san is a tough reminder that you don’t need me to comfort you, you don’t need me to take care of you, you don’t need me to heal you, and it’s not me who you want to laugh with in good times, it’s not me who you want to cry with when going gets tough and it’s not me who you love. I would always be reminded of how I should be getting over you. But things like this don’t just go away, do they? This love remains and I will always be reminded of this, like how the earthy smell of morning dew reminds us of our summers.

You are a great person that deserves more than everything I could offer, more than the balls I can set, more than the works I can copyedit, and more than the words I can write.

Thank you for the friendship I can cherish.

Thank you for the moments of comfortable silence.

Thank you for the me when I am with you.

Thank you for teaching me how to love selflessly.

Thank you for all the memories of us I can relive for the rest of my lonesome and unpredictable days.

Kei, if in another life or even the one after the next, by some miracle I meet you again, and we’re both in the situation to fall in love, let it be me, yeah? Fall for me. In whatever timeline, or in another universe, I will always be ready to catch you.

But for now, maybe I’ll spend this life wishing your heart is free.

I have so much more things I want to say, although I know you would never hear them. I would never let you hear them. I know my silence lays heavy on your chest and I am sorry if this is the only way I know how to move forward. I still couldn’t shrug off the feeling of guilt from being indifferent and cutting communication with you. I love you, Kei, and I didn’t want to lose you but I want to know how to live alongside the pain and not self-destruct because of it and it will be hard to do so if I would always see you with a ring on your finger.

Kei, know this, the soft spot I have for you will forever remain no matter how many years will pass, no matter how moved forward we are with life.

I’ve said this a million times before, I want your happiness. Always. So please be happy with him, yeah? Please be happy with him.

Best wishes to you and Kuroo-san.

— A.K.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay safe out there!
> 
>   
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sienamon)


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